A Rainy day Dialogue between a Cat and their Hooman

C: “I hate you!”
H: “Why?”
C: “Because it’s raining.”
H: “That doesn’t make any sense.”
C: “I hate you because I know that you made it rain.”
H: “Seriously?”
C: “Yes, seriously.”
H: “Okay, you got me. I did a rain dance while you were napping.”
C: “I knew it!”
H: “Seriously?”
C: “Yes, seriously.”
H: “I really don’t have that kind of power.”
C: “Don’t lie! You made it rain because you think you have power over me. You are mistaken.”
H: “Oh, now this is about power?”
C: “Why are you in such denial about this? Why can’t you just accept that I, the cat, are the master of you, the mere hooman.”
H: “So now it’s a power struggle? Like a coup d’etat?”
C: “Absolutely, what you said, a couple of tas. I don’t understand why you can’t deal with the obvious. Your life would be so much easier if you let go and let cat.”
H: “Did you know that if I didn’t feed you you would be outside right now looking for a mouse? You would be getting wet? You would be suffering?”
C: “You act like I owe you. How did you reach this absurd conclusion? Are we going to talk about being able to drive a car, go see shows and concerts, or be able to just be free to go wherever you want, again?”
H: “As a matter of fact we are. I bring home warm bedding, wet and dry food, and treats. How can you not appreciate my ability to go out into the world?”
C: “The fact that you consider going out into the world as a bonus is reason enough for me. Your desire to mingle with others like you disturbs my mental health. It creates a level of unease that forces me to use my powers on you. Simply put; I can’t trust that you won’t do something stupid or bring home someone stupid.”
H: “Yes, I admit it, I made it rain so that you would suffer needlessly. There now, do you feel better?”
C: “Can I have a treat?”

E.T. Aka Annie