Fibromyalgia
“Living with fibromyalgia” is possibly the stupidest three words every uttered. I don’t volunteer to share or plan life events with fibromyalgia, like outings with friends, dinner dates or even vacations. I can’t even plan around it. I have to “ask” my chronic pain if I have permission to live anything resembling a life.
I once heard the pain equated with the worst flu someone has ever muddled into and out of. Yeah, kinda. On good days I am just sluggish, physically and mentally. I drag myself through the long hours of the day, often wishing I could take a nap and give my pain to the sandman. I wish this so much it has become my fantasy.
On bad days I hate everything and everyone. My pain runs deep and continuously. I feel like all of my muscles have been abused by severe overuse. My joints radiate pain as a warning to me about what I will feel, 10 fold, if I even consider moving. Cold weather leaches into every cell, making me shiver and unleashes the promised joint pain. Warm weather makes me feel like I am carrying dangerously over heated pads on my shoulders, pressing me more to the floor with every step.
Exhaustion is an understatement. Not only does my body not want to partake in the day, but my brain also quits. There is a cloud surrounding my thoughts, making clear thinking impossible.
To those who insist that “it’s not that bad” or “just push through the pain”, I say expletives to you! I wish I could be so naive. Then I would know nothing of what I just wrote, my words would be wasted air. My own suffering would only occur to this level through the worst flu I may “catch”. Actually “attacked” describes this event more accurately.
Unfortunately pain medication is a necessity. I don’t enjoy taking it, but I know what my life will be if I don’t receive help. The pain is still inside of me, still doing its damage. But pain medication helps slow down the destruction by reducing my stress, physically and mentally. My body isn’t fighting as much to function and my mind isn’t working against depression as much either. So pain medication is for those who have fibromyalgia. It’s not for those who don’t have pain.
Elizabeth Tustison
7/6/26