I just sat there and waited. I hesitated my anticipation of joy for fear of impending regret. Should I care if that moment was private, closing the curtains to any onlookers. I knew that soon all would be right, if just for a few precious moments, and the entire experience would be mine alone to savor.

As the electrons pulsated through the wires, my level of peace became almost uncomfortable. How could I possibly be jealous of myself? A brief solitary moment, no one to complicate, add, or distract. Again, I felt the envy. If I could have shared, I would, but I feared the club I was entering was even too elite for me.

As the sound poured out of the speakers it fell directly on to me. “Up, Up, Up!” I demanded from my remote. Trying to absorb every single note, from every single instrument, the regret set in.  As each tune ricocheted in my head, I tried to capture every subtle, and not-so-subtle, nuance.

I regretted that to completely appreciate the song, reverberating out of my stereo, years would need to be spent playing it over and over. Every breathe on a woodwind, tickle of an ivory, the plucking of a tongue, beat of a drum, and the vibration of a string, bowed or plucked, stole my attention, gladly.

The anticipated joy, regret, and jealous, one might think, could have easily overwhelmed my senses. But instead, all I felt was total serenity. Mentally stepping back, music suffocated the room of all that could offend my senses, penetrate my thoughts. And as I floated in my surrounding peace, I so

wished that I could share that moment, the totality.

Maybe next time……

E.T. Aka Annie